Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Where'd ya go, LIFE? ...

Ryan and I have been married now for almost 29 months which in the long run, is a pretty short time but I feel as if so much has already gotten away from me. For starters, Bekah is ALREADY 1 !! My sweet Pumpkin Girl.. we fall more in love with her every day. Her 5th&6th teeth just broke through yesterday and she is our little carnivore! She LOVES meat.. especially turkey ham, along with green beans. She is still a bundle of energy but is a speed crawler now and is just about able to walk on her own! Now the question is, is there a 2nd child in our future?... :) Now I don't want rumors to start.. but I can say that I am excited for the day that we find out that we are pregnant again! Are our lives going to be crazy with another baby? Oh my goodness, YES! But I love having a family now.. taking walks.. playing peak-a-boo.. playing ball with Bekah.. (she is the most athletic child under the age of 5 that I know!!).
Another crazy thing is that Ryan just found out the other day that he is full-time now! I remember the year that we were married, we had only made a few thousand for the year. What a jump! And I'm also happy to say that I am moving to mornings at work so I should be out by 10am which allows me the rest of the day with Bekah (and at times, Ryan)! PRAISE GOD!
I am taking these blessings as humble as I can though.. I feel so undeserving of all of these wonderful things. God is just so good to us and even through the hard times, is glory and grace are so apparent! Marriage sure has been a learning experience though.. I have discovered not only things about Ryan but myself as well. I have learned that I can be a very selfish person and that it's hard for me at times to put him before me. And at times, I have discovered that it's so easy to slip into laziness, especially after a day at work. I come up with excuses galore.. but none ever justify my actions.. or lack there of.
I have really been feeling as if I need to step up as a woman and especially as a wife. It's so easy for my head to fill with thoughts of insignificance.. which I allow to excuse my sour, slothful self. I have really been trying to change that though. By filling my head and heart with the reassurance of Christ's love and dedication to me, I'm finding it easier for me to put others first and to be productive even when I am lacking endurance. I'm seeing my purpose and doing my best to fulfill my calling. What is that you ask? To take care of my husband, kid(s), home.. and to ultimately show the love of God and His grace to everyone I know. If anyone is in need of prayer, I would love to pray for you.
I hope that everyone has a blessed week and remember, don't just live for the moment but live for your calling.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Week 1 of budget.. not bad!

We started a budget about 2 weeks ago because we were having a hard time accounting for money. We are struggling a little bit because Easter was this past week and pitched in towards baskets for my parents and a gift for my little brother. We knew though that this month through May we would have more money than normal leaving between easter, flying to Texas and Arizona, and gifts for the double wedding weekend in May. Not to mention moving at the end of this month! That's why I really wanted to focus on not eating out much this month and eating out our house before we move so we have less to move.

It's been going well. Last week was $50 on groceries and this past week was only $25! Meal planning is saving us SO MUCH MONEY!! As we run out of food, I think I am going to have to meal plan based on coupons. Also, ALDI is the way to shop. We do shop at Walmart as well.. but when you can buy a grocery basket full of food at Aldi for $60 opposed to Walmart for $110+, it doesn't even compare!

I am starting to think that the "Bekah budget" isn't as constant as I would like it to be. For example, Costco had Kirkland diapers for $5 off/box limit 2. So we stocked up.. Kirkland diapers are a little different from huggies.. I think I prefer huggies but for the price with the coupon, it's worth it. Granted, with each box having 208 diapers in it, we should be set for quite a while with diapers. I have been trying to think ahead to this summer and I have been slowly shopping clearance racks/second hand stores for clothes. With Bekah only being a year old this summer, onesies should work for most warm days. Lately, I have been finding 18 month clothes on clearance which is great!

I am not really looking to moving.. well I am but I feel like this apartment complex we are going to kept a lot of expenditures hidden from us by lying to our face. It's very frustrating because it's going to be about an extra $100/month for these hidden things that we were not planning on. Would we still have moved there knowing these things? Possibly.. I wish we knew where God wants us to go..missions..costco career.. people may be bound to make foolish mistakes but when it comes to something that life altering, we really want to wait on the Lord. That doesn't sound like we are just indecisive, does it? In a sense, we are.. when it comes to a lot of things. I wouldn't call us wishy-washy.. just easy going and wanting to make sure we are as wise as we can be I suppose.

So as of now, I STILL have not started to pack. Luckly with being in a 1 bdrm, we don't have all TOO MUCH but enough for sure!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Saving $$$$

Ryan and I have created a budget for the first time. We had always talked about creating one but never did. We are not big spenders so we never had issues... or so we thought. We were looking back at each month and realizing that we could not account for a few hundred dollars.. where did it go? Some here.. there.. it sure added up quick! It was really depressing.. I feel that I am responsible for 95% of it because I am the shopper. I knew that I had to take the reigns to make this happen.

First, we decided that we would take out a certain amount of money out of our account every week for groceries and other items we may need. I think it's too easy to use a debit card for everything and not realize how much money is gone. It's a great way to hold yourself accountable. Because we are saving for either a house/missions, we are really being tight on our money every week so if we go over, it's not the end of the world. We are actually living on $50/week on groceries which if you want to make it happen, it's TOTALLY POSSIBLE!!
Coupons-coupons-coupons!!! Every Sunday night, we go to my parents house to watch our show with them (The Amazing Race!) and while we are there, I cut coupons from the Sunday paper. I actually really enjoy it!
Especially with moving, we really want to try to eat stuff in our apartment that we haven't used in months (ex. Hamburger Helper) so we really didn't even need to buy too much at the store besides basics bread, coffee creamer... and some others. It's hard to believe that by just buying orange juice, milk, creamer, and apple juice, almost 1/4 of the food budget for the week is gone! Those alone end up being around $15+... so we knew that had to change. So now, orange juice is going to be every-other week.. (we will have to drink it slowly), we always have milk but even that lasts for 2 weeks with us.. creamer is a must because of our intake of coffee (1 pot+ /day), and we will by apple juice but mainly for Bekah Lee. So what do we do now with lack of juice? Most stores offer a variety of powders that you add to water to make juice. Now, I'm not talking about kool-aid. Crystal Light has a lot less calories. And you can buy powder that makes 2 gallons (8 quarts) for about $3.. even less sometimes! All I do is buy a gallon of water ($0.70) and it ultimately saves SO MUCH MONEY!!

It's pretty hard to not have that freedom to go and buy what I like.. but I know it's more responsible to be wide with your money. Oh wow, I sure sound like my parents!! I know we will appreciate it in the end!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Life sure is flying by!

"Taking the bull by the horns" is the saying that suits my life well at the moment. There is so much going on in the Watt's household; I wish that I could just step back and take a breath. I have been an unfaithful blogger this past month which seems to be my routine on certain activities in life unfortunately. I don't do it on purpose but I have been having a hard time sticking with one activity and following through with it. Does that mean that I am lazy or could I just be taking on too much as once? I try to explain my problems to people and the response always sounds like this: "Well, you're in an adjustment period with having Rebekah." Well, that's great and everything but how do I become more organized and focused while fulfilling the needs of my 8 month old? I can imagine God looking down on me and and having a "holy chuckle" as I try to juggle my life by myself. I am an independent person when it comes to completing a task. However, I am very stubborn and refuse to seek help unless it's an extreme situation which makes some of my independence a bad thing. Anyway, enough with my rambling and on to the good stuff :)

Let's start with my favorite first: My beautiful daughter, Bekah Lee!
She is ALREADY 8 months old (Hints my title: Life sure is flying by!) and she has already hit many mile stones! I would say she is 80% solid food and 20% breast milk. It's a weird adjustment for me because she relies on me a little less than before.. a selfish part of me really enjoyed the fact that when she was hungry, she NEEDED her MOMMY. Now, anyone can take care of her.. I'm not gonna lie.. I'm struggling a little bit with that but with the negatives comes positives as well. She is able to sit on her own which is great.. and rolling is not a problem. This past week, she has started to sit and bounce on her bottom which is really cute to watch! Her Grandpa also taught her how to blow bubbles.. .... ..... She is able to hold herself in the crawling position but she slowly falls to the ground. Poor girl! I know she will get it soon! She has 2 teeth now as well! Chewing on those fingers of hers never stops..! She is such a precious joy and really is a good girl! We are blessed!

So we are moving in about 3 1/2 weeks! I haven't even thought about packing yet. Luckly, there shouldn't be too much to move when you live in a 1 bedroom apartment! We are moving to Skyridge Club Apartments in Crystal Lake. I'm about 2 miles closer to work.. so I'm maybe 2 miles away.. if that.. and it may only gain 1 more mile for Ryan to Lake Zurich. Our apartment complex that we are currently at has done it's job by providing us shelter.. ................... ....... that's about it. We are very disappointed in this place. Between lack of maintenance from the staff here along with water pressure and mice problems.. we are ready to leave!

Ryan is doing great. He is still supervising at the Lake Zurich Costco. He is a very compassionate/caring supervisor which the employees really recognize and appreciate. :) I am very proud of him! He finished is AA early last year and has progressively been working towards his bachelors. Who would have thought that having a kid would slow the schooling process down ;) He is finishing up with 2 classes next month and is also taking a summer course. The Lord has provided the finances for him to attend school which is SUCH A BLESSING and a burden off of our shoulders! :D

For me, life is busy. Who would have thought that being a Mom really was a full time job?! Between taking care of Rebekah, making meals, cleaning, working, and attempting to have "me time".. it's just a juggling act. I really appreciate my Mom for who she is as I am learning what it takes to be a great Mom like her. It's not easy.. and I really do regret getting into scuffles with her when I was younger about silly things like when I thought I was right about something when I really WASN"T AT ALL... I pray that God gives me patience for Bekah Lee and our future kids..!!! I see how by being a young parent, you do miss out on some social aspects of life.. but with being almost 23.. I could imagine that if I was single, there would be a HUGE temptation to go out and party with my friends. I don't feel that it's wrong to go out and have fun.. but I guess that by being a parent, your view on fun changes a little bit. Going out and having a drink with friends is one thing but playing peek-a-boo with Bekah is priceless! Her laugh and smile when you catch her off guard is awesome. To the other Mom's reading this, I'm sure you can understand. Life just seems like a constant transition going on around me. I still feel the same though..young.. nieve.. making silly decisions.. good thing that we can always rely on a constant God. :)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

It's weird how when you look back on your life, some years it seems like nothing eventful happened while other years, everything seems to happen! The past 3 months particularly have been very hard for my family. There has been 3 different deaths when one normally is pretty overwhelming itself. My heart continues to ache for the losses and the families (including my own) that it effects.
So there was an earthquake this morning! A 4.3..or a 3.8.. the news is still trying to figure it out! I was already awake because Bekah woke up around 3:30am... so I was laying sown and when it happened, I thought that Ryan was having a seizure! I asked if he felt that and he said it was the wind.. which I knew it wasn't.. poor guy. He was so sleepy! :)
Well, Bekah Lee is doing good. She is really struggling with bowel movements. She is mainly still breast fed so I refuse to have dairy, spicy food, and chocolate but there is still a problem. She has a Dr. appointment on Monday so we will just have to see. She eats a little baby food almost every day (prunes, peaches). The poor girl! I feel pretty helpless and I also feel guilty when she can't go potty! I hope that she isn't lactose-intolerant..
We have family photos today and JcPennys! We have never had professional ones taken of just the 3 of us! Well, a couple during our time in Washington but that was during the family photo shoot. I'm excited that this will be our own thing in the sense that we can make it into what we want. We are also getting Bekah's 6 months pictures taken. Hard to believe this month she will be 7 months old! She is rolling from her back->tummy more which is exciting. No crawling yet but I am okay with that. We move in April to a 2 bedroom which would allow for a lot more romping room for her :)
I'm starting to work out again which feels so good! I think it will really help to build my confidence back up! I think when your a bump on a log, it's easy to feel bad about yourself.
Hopefully we will get the family photos up soon! I'm so excited!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

To run.. or not to run.. THAT is the question..

A dream that I have always wanted to come true is to run the Chicago Marathon. Ryan and I are adamant about supporting each other with our dreams and he said that if I was to do it, that he would do it with me! Enrollment opened today.. it costs $135/person. I don't know too much about how it works for Ryan and I running together.. so I have to investigate. We would have to finish the race in 6 1/2 hours.. which would be about 15 minute miles.. which would be pretty slow for running so I know that we could do it. Currently we are out of shape. I ran cross country in high school so I know it's possible to run a long distance in a few weeks time. I remember doing a 10 mile run.. and though it sounds exhausting, I know it's possible! A part of me says "I enjoy being lazy and I just don't know if I will have time to train.." but another part of me REALLY thinks that if I want to do it, that NOW is the time. We were planning on trying for a second child at the end of this year/beginning of next year.. so that means I couldn't do it next year. I need some encouragement! What do you guys think? It would be a lot of work but the race isn't until Oct. 10. (10/10/10!!) It seems so impossible but I know it's not.. anyone wanna run with us? :)

~~This is me in high school with my friend Shannon down state for Cross Country :) ~~

Thursday, January 21, 2010

A Heavy Heart

The loss of my nephew has been a real struggle for me.  I am glad that Ryan, Rebekah and I went to St. Louis as soon as he passed away in the sense that it made it feel real.. but certain things I encounter on a day-to-day bases makes me think of him.  His name was Benjamin.  It was a hard situation in itself due to the fact that it was my brothers girl friend who was pregnant.  It was a struggle with my family but we knew that we wanted to be apart of their lives so by casting them out from this was not an option.  I am struggling with guilt from some of the feelings I felt not only during the time of the pregnancy but the history even before then from years prior.  Since the passing of Ben, Sarah (my brothers girl friend) has graciously given us loads of baby supplies.  She said that she can't stand looking at them so she had to return/give away everything she had received from her baby shower.  As soon as she showed me the stuff, I broke down.  And even as I am finding space for it with Bekah's stuff, my heart aches SO much.  This was supposed to be for Ben.  How could a full term baby die in a mother's womb?  I do admit that when it happened, I was very mad at God for allowing this to happen which I am in no way proud of.  Was this the best situation for this baby?  Probably not.. but could everything work out fine?  Most definetly.  Then what happened?  What causes a cyst to form and explode that caused Ben to lose oxygen and die within the matter of minutes?  Even as I type this, tears poor down.  I am still struggling with his death.  I know he is in Heaven with the Lord.. I think my guilt comes mainly from my feelings of resentment that I regret full heartedly.  I had such a wicked heart with this situation..and it almost feels like it was my fault.  I know it wasn't.. and we may never know why this occured... but no matter what, he is still not here with us today.  My heart goes out to my brother and his girlfriend.. I couldn't imagine losing Bekah so close to her due date.  Just to feel her kicking in my stomach and then not at all.. I never want to question the maker of the universe.. and I trust that we have a fair and just God.  I do praise the Lord for the closeness with my brother and his girlfriend within my family that came along with his passing.  I may never feel that it is fair what happened.. and I don't know if my heart will ever not hurt from this.. that song from Casting Crowns comes to mind.  

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down 
and wiped our tears away, 
stepped in and saved the day. 
But once again, I say amen 
and it's still raining 
as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain, 
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away. 

And I'll praise you in this storm 
and I will lift my hands 
for You are who You are 
no matter where I am 

and every tear I've cried 
You hold in your hand
You never left my side 
and though my heart is torn 
I will praise You in this storm 

I remember when I stumbled in the wind 
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again 
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on 
if I can't find You 
and as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain 
"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away 


I lift my eyes onto the hills 
where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth 
I lift my eyes onto the hills 
where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

So as I scavenge around trying to find a home for these items that were given to us, my heart aches. Death is never easy but I feel like a baby's death is a little different from the death of someone else in the family.  I can't explain it and maybe it's just the situation this time?  I praise God everyday for such an amazing little girl.  I know to take nothing for granted.. and I feel that God has really shown me a lot during this time in my life.  

"Give thanks to the Lord always, and again I say REJOICE!"